Reconstruction of Self
How can I reconstruct my lost identity to find my authentic self?
I don't have all the answers but, with a decade plus of professional coaching and personal pained experience-I do have the right questions. I’ve likened this process to that of peeling an onion, only you don’t know you have an onion to begin with. You grapple with learning that your understanding of your world is fundamentally flawed, and you have no idea how many layers of damage you have to go through to find the authentic. The shape and size of the rot seem ever-changing despite best efforts.
“Religious trauma deprives persons of knowledge they might otherwise have and thus tends to emphasize harm through lack of not being provided what they need to form accurate assessments.”1 This same research cites two case studies one of which is summarized, “a woman is unable to know her own lived experience of abuse as abuse because of the religious context in which her knowledge was formed.”1 This!!!
This is why the Good Girl's Guidebook begin with critical lessons in unlearning. Indoctrination roots in stagnancy of thought, the absence of curiosity and critical consideration. Using the Living Priority Life coaching methods within the guides, you will create self-bonds such as trust, compassion, and love by naming the harm that destroyed those foundations. Through the power of internal inquiry, focused curiosity and resource reflection you will find another piece of your authenticity.
High-control religion values righteous morality over the development of personal values. The ability to articulate and connect deeply to one's own values and the self-trust to question what authentically aligns, determine values conflicts while building a relentless non-judgment mindset with critical listening to the body...that is the pathway of identity reconstruction.
“Religious trauma deprives persons of knowledge they might otherwise have and thus tends to emphasize harm through lack of not being provided what they need to form accurate assessments.”1 This same research cites two case studies one of which is summarized, “a woman is unable to know her own lived experience of abuse as abuse because of the religious context in which her knowledge was formed.”1 This!!!
This is why the Good Girl's Guidebook begin with critical lessons in unlearning. Indoctrination roots in stagnancy of thought, the absence of curiosity and critical consideration. Using the Living Priority Life coaching methods within the guides, you will create self-bonds such as trust, compassion, and love by naming the harm that destroyed those foundations. Through the power of internal inquiry, focused curiosity and resource reflection you will find another piece of your authenticity.
High-control religion values righteous morality over the development of personal values. The ability to articulate and connect deeply to one's own values and the self-trust to question what authentically aligns, determine values conflicts while building a relentless non-judgment mindset with critical listening to the body...that is the pathway of identity reconstruction.
What does reconstruction of self look like?
I didn’t set out to not believe in God anymore. In truth, I just wanted to believe in myself more. My inner voice was quiet when I yearned for her to be louder. Maybe she was timid after years of neglect and abuse - rightfully so. That quietness of our inner voice, our dimmed knowing is a trademark of religious indoctrination in women.
I started by committing to tell myself the truth. Definition of self through a singular religious lens is a dangerous lie to keep living. As I’ve lost my religion, I’ve found myself.
Deconstruction was the byproduct of the deep work of finding identity beyond the roles I played. I was starved for understanding, so I sought to understand through therapy, podcasts, creators within the global majority, and books... So. Many. Books.
I began applying my decade of professional coaching techniques to my personal beliefs. Between my powerful curiosity and expanding worldview, I came into focus. Once I understood that my goodness was innate, I could more clearly see the wounds, the shame and void of identity that indoctrination inflicted.
My writing informed me of who I am and laid out a path to self. This path is driven by values, purposefully executed with acts of authenticity, supported by boundaries, habits, goals and so rich with meaning and happiness. This is journey which I named, Living Priority Life, has written the greatest love story...the love I have for myself.
Mine is a HOLY irreverent approach of forging deep interpersonal belonging and authentic identity. I'm the good girl who lost her religion and found herself. There is no redemption or salvation reconstruction arc but, there sure as hell is a happily ever after. If you desire a pathway to strengthen faith, I repeat THIS IS NOT YOUR bag babe. I found my voice, my true self, and learned how to love myself. I want to you to love yourself too.
My writing, my voice is relentlessly supportive, fiercely vulnerable, shamelessly smutty, and painfully honest.
The greatest love story I will ever create is the one with myself. It’s got everything, enemies to lovers, kinky AF (if only ever in my mind), one bed, fated lovers, dark fantasy, scorned woman and a heroine who saves herself and maybe, hopefully, heals a few others too.
I started by committing to tell myself the truth. Definition of self through a singular religious lens is a dangerous lie to keep living. As I’ve lost my religion, I’ve found myself.
Deconstruction was the byproduct of the deep work of finding identity beyond the roles I played. I was starved for understanding, so I sought to understand through therapy, podcasts, creators within the global majority, and books... So. Many. Books.
I began applying my decade of professional coaching techniques to my personal beliefs. Between my powerful curiosity and expanding worldview, I came into focus. Once I understood that my goodness was innate, I could more clearly see the wounds, the shame and void of identity that indoctrination inflicted.
My writing informed me of who I am and laid out a path to self. This path is driven by values, purposefully executed with acts of authenticity, supported by boundaries, habits, goals and so rich with meaning and happiness. This is journey which I named, Living Priority Life, has written the greatest love story...the love I have for myself.
Mine is a HOLY irreverent approach of forging deep interpersonal belonging and authentic identity. I'm the good girl who lost her religion and found herself. There is no redemption or salvation reconstruction arc but, there sure as hell is a happily ever after. If you desire a pathway to strengthen faith, I repeat THIS IS NOT YOUR bag babe. I found my voice, my true self, and learned how to love myself. I want to you to love yourself too.
My writing, my voice is relentlessly supportive, fiercely vulnerable, shamelessly smutty, and painfully honest.
The greatest love story I will ever create is the one with myself. It’s got everything, enemies to lovers, kinky AF (if only ever in my mind), one bed, fated lovers, dark fantasy, scorned woman and a heroine who saves herself and maybe, hopefully, heals a few others too.
1 Christian Shame and Religious Trauma, Downie, A. (2022). Christian Shame and Religious Trauma. Religions, 13(10), 925. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13100925