Professional Shame

How do you manage professional shame?  Specifically, the painful distress of continuing to interact with personnel (not project/task) related shame?  I'm talking you f'd up with another human in the workplace kind of humiliation.  As an HR professional, I've seen this most when anger floods the situation and we lash out to ease our own overflowing emotion. 

For me, professional shame is not an acute experience rather a chronic reflection of how I behaved, acted and attitudes I held in a past position.  I succumbed to the "protect your piece of the corporate pie" mindset fed to me and in turn funneled to my own teams.  I told half truths, power-grabbed, and served my own brand of 'justice' .  Full stop.  

While I'm tempted to add plenty of context, the reality is I am responsible and accountable to myself first and foremost.  I'm certain that's how articulating personal values became a cornerstone of my coaching practice.  Holding my past behaviors and mindsets against the core values of who I am; the hot shame flames flare.  

In the absence of some LinkedIn lead 12-step program to make amends with all my former reports to, how can I process?  As always, I don't have all the answers, but, I do have my own experience.  I can share that I have indeed reached out to professional contacts of my past and expressed my apologies for how I acted.  In every case, the recipient responds with some level of dismissal and refutes the experience with their own perspective.  While heartening on some level, it really only confirms we are all in our own bubbles and the intentions of others (me) are rarely glimpsed if the behavior is covert or normalized enough in the workplace.  This information and other work taught me that shame processing is an inside job.  I have learned through my past ashamed behavior and knowing my personal values, that when faced with similar circumstances; I can and will chose alignment with my values.  Even when there is more on the line (financially, reputation, relationships), I will not walk that shameful, anti-values path again - for anyone, but especially for my self.  
Taking accountability, making amends (even if its only between you and your past self), and changed behavior in alignment with values have been my release for professional shame.  If you'd like some help walking this rocky path, I've got the experience and coaching tools to assist.  Reach out.