You know that saying what's old will be new again?  I think I mostly associate that with fashion trends but as I look back in my writings I see how relatable it is to my political and societal injustice views. 

In the days following January 6, 2021, my journal entries include the following perspectives; When I look back on my legacy, will I have done all that I could to serve humanity?  This is a powerful tool in reducing my anger.  When I look through this service lens it's clear what my beliefs are and thus my behaviors must reflect.  This clarity requires actions devoid of righteous & lowly judgement of others for not following.  I will have to continue to work hard to banish my judgement and my why as weapons.  The mirror of anger is a powerful extinguisher of my own.  It is not an antidote to the justice that must be carried out nor is it a righteous morale ground that I look down from.  Rather, I believe it is an invitation to look deeply within.  Just as I don't have to hate me to change myself, I do not have to hate to generate change in the world.  

I write a lot about lens and mirrors - I guess that might be the trend I participate in.  What is to be seen and what is reflected.  Today, in the midst of global genocides I feel my anger and judgement in a more profound and permanent way then I ever conceived in those prior journal entries.  And now I desperately wish my why was a useful weapon.  

How do you know the difference between stepping up to face fear or stepping into a major pile of shit?  When  the anxiety churning your gut is the same in both scenarios, what discerns the right move?

Do you have an answer?  Yes - amazing fill us in on your strategies! No - welcome to the majority.  Even after 2 decades of professional people experience and 4+ decades of humanness, I'm only still dabbling in discerning the grey of my big scary stuff.  However, in the interest of chipping away at fear in general and judgement in specific, I'll share what bits I have learned.

While I won't share the details (no! you nebby thing you!), I've had two major life - umm, let's call them 'disruptions' shall we.  One in the professional sphere and the other personal both within the span of 2 years.  The risks of loss were and have been very high and hindsight brings a sense of absolute rightness to my then decisions.  But at the time I thought fear and grief might swallow me whole.  It literally clenched my stomach and gagged me physically.  My body has always been the first to communicate to me.  So, that's tip numero uno- listen to your body.  Try not to make it scream at you for attention.  And while we are on the the topic, take the time to sit in and articulate (even if it's just in your mind) what and where you feel fear, anxiety, joy and happiness in your body.  

In the professional scenario, I had prepared in advance and used my words as the source of justice that will otherwise never be served.  Writing out and delivering my message with fear still trembling my hands and voice was the only choice I felt I had.  That lack of choice for me, the clarity I had that no other decision would be authentic to me, that's what drove me through the big scary.  

As life would have it, the personal experience unfolded over years and all at once. It was a moment that while my heart was breaking, I felt a literal snap within me.  It wasn't me breaking but rather the last puzzle piece snapping into place.  The game was over, I wasn't going to play anymore and as soon as my words matching that left my mouth, the weight in my stomach lifted.  Again, a visceral experience as much as a mental one.  

So whether you do so premeditatively or retroactively listen to your body, take notes on it's communication and take the time to feel how and where the big scary stuff shows up physically.   Clarity and choice are a magnificent compass.